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NOTE TO THE PUBLISHER: (Tips from a Rejected Author)

Karma Wilson

I am a rejected author, and as such I would like to offer some tips to the publishers rejecting my work. These tips concern the countless rejection letters I receive. You would think that publishers, who have such high demands for creativity and style, could make their rejection letters a little less, well, dull. Since I read so many of them I think it’s high time that they were something other than dream shattering. Say, entertaining and dream shattering? Oh, I don’t expect personalized rejection letters, but could the standard form letter be a little more exciting? Could there perhaps be a deviation from the typical: Dear Writer, In regards to the material submitted, I am sorry to inform you that it does not fit our present editorial needs... blah... blah... blah...? Here is a proposal for rejections letters, that while perhaps not realistic, are at least imaginative.

For publishers of poetry something like the following would be great for some variety:

Dear Writer,

When putting ink to paper,
Perhaps you wrote in haste
And never once considered,
That your ink was put to waste!
Thanks, but no thanks.

The Editor.

For sci-fi something like this could be used:

Dear Writer,

In regards to the material submitted, you think it’s out of this world, we think you’re out of your mind! Don’t send anything else until Scotty beams you back to reality!

The Editor

Or for mystery book rejections, perhaps something like this:

Dear Writer,

Regarding your submission, there is only one mystery about this manuscript: what made you think you could write!?

The Editor

Then again, for a more standard, all encompassing rejection the following:

Dear Writer,

Don’t quit your day job! (unless it's writing)

The Editor

Okay, so these are maybe a little too honest, but at least they’re different. And if variety is the spice of life, perhaps it could also be the spice of rejection. But probably not.

The story NOTE TO THE PUBLISHER: (Tips from a Rejected Author) is Copyright 1998 by Karma Wilson.

The collection of works called Fish Eggs For The Soul is Copyright 1998 by Brian Rickman.
Copy edited by Sara Fawbush, editor of The Young Writer's Collection.